I knew another woman whose name Esther. She was one of those people that can only be described as Lutheran. She was so strong in her faith that it was at times scary. As a matter of fact, when my father had his heart attack in 1989, Esther was the one who took over his confirmation class. She and her sister, Claudine, would sit in the front of the church right under the pulpit and listen intently to my father's sermons. I used to enjoy watching them nod their heads in agreement with things my dad would say. Esther was an important person in my life when it came to looking at things in a spiritual sense. She would say, when someone died that "their room was ready." That seems like a course thing to say, but in fact its not. She was referring to the scripture John 14:1-5;
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be wehre I am. You know the place where I am going.
I find a tremendous amount of solace in that scripture.
I must say, quickly, that my father has not died. He is still very much alive. He was released from the hospital today and went back to the rehabilitation center. He has a lot of ground to make up. He lost alot of strength over the last few days of laying in bed.
It has been a long three weeks for me and my mother. As a matter of fact, looking back, it seems like a great big blur. I'm amazed that it his Feb. 11th.
I have been praying alot these last weeks. More than usual and I'm a fairly regular prayer. I pray thanksgiving prayers and pleading prayers. I pray hopeful prayers and scared prayers. I pray relief prayers and quite prayers. I've even prayed a few beg-prayers. But I always make sure I pray one thing: "your will be done, Lord, not mine." I think that is important. I think it is important for me to hear me say that. It keeps me grounded.
My faith has not been tested these last few weeks. It has been strengthened. I am stronger in my faith at this moment than I have been in a long time. I have stress, yes, but not fear. I know that the God's grace is surrounding me and my mother, but more importantly my father. I know that his faith is strong. As a matter of fact, he has had a couple of rough nights this week and I got him to calm down through prayer.
This hasn't been fun, by any means, as a matter of fact it has sucked. If I can use that term. I've lost weight and sleep. I have only worked four days in the last three weeks. I'm tired and so is my mom. I'm worried, but not scared. I'm nervous, yes, I'll admit that, but that's because I don't know the future (and frankly, I'm glad I don't know it). My faith though, that has been the constant. That's the thing that I have leaned on and held on to. I don't think I could have gotten through the last few weeks without my faith and friends who have shown concern and care.
I believe whole heartedly that the Gospel of the Good News is not only true, but real. I believe that through God's grace I can get through anything. I'm not afraid to say that outloud or in public. I thank God constantly for that faith that he so graciously gave me. I'm not sure how anyone can get through daily life without knowing and feeling the presence of God.