Saturday, September 11, 2004

I wish for normalcy

September 10th is such a strange for me. I found myself calling today "the anniversary of the last day of normalcy." How true. How friggin true. I'm looking at my little clock in the left hand corner of my computer screen. Its officially September 11th, now. In less then eight hours, three years ago, hell will launch forth. That's how I've felt all day. I know what's going to happen three years ago and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I don't have a Delorian or a wispy haired professor that can explain the space time continuum or relativity so I can't go back and change anything. I know what is going to happen in less then 8 hours from now three years ago.

It seems such a long time ago, though, doesn't it? 2001 was only three years ago, but it seems much much longer then that. Here's my theory why: we hear about it every blessed day. A day doesn't go by that the phrase nineeleven or septembereleventh is uttered. Sometimes multiple times in the same sentence. I've stopped watching the news, I've grown tired of it. I can't handle it. I'm a wimp.

So, in eight hours three years ago my mom will be yelling at me, telling me a plane just slammed into the World Trade Center. I'll roll over, thinking its just a small plane. A few mintues later my mom will yell again. I'll be awake now. Sitting in front of the television. I won't move, except to run to my room to get online and write post on my online diary. Later on three years ago I'll go to work peddling books. No one will be there. I won't want to be there, but I'll be there. When I get home I'll watch three or four more hours of it. I'll see the flood lights illuminate the smoking ruins. I'll sleep and wake up the next morning, September 12th and be convinced that it was just a bad dream or really well done Hollywood movie and Arnold or Bruce actually did walk out of the building with a grin and a girl. I'll be brought back to Earth when I see it in the paper.

I hope someday we can get back to the feeling we had, but didn't know we had, on September 10th. That was such a nice feeling, in retrospect. I miss it. I long for it. I wish for it.

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