I'm working the law library tonight. I get to go back to work at my bookstore tomorrow night. There is a part of me that is excited about this, but, then, there is a part that is actually kind of frightened and I'm not sure why. Part of it, I think, is the fact that I haven't been at the bookstore in quite a while. I think I've worked about a week and half the last five weeks. Its not because I wanted to take the time off, trust me. I had to. I had no choice. And for some reason, I still feel like I let work down by not being there. I'm sure they did just fine without me, but there is a sneaking suspicion on my part that taking so much time off because of my father's sickness will come back and haunt me. I hope not, but I have that fear.
I'm tired today. This last week has been busy with running hither and yon dealing with insurance and social security stuff. I could probably use another week off just to sit and do nothing, but then I'd get bored.
Its funny, old habits die hard. I picked up a New York Times today at the law library to take home. I used to take NYT home for my dad so he could read it. I don't need to take it home, and yet, in some weird way, I do. I'll read it tonight after I get home. I can see myself lugging home the Sunday Times, too.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Pictures
"Peace in the Valley"This is the place where my father rests. It is in the mountains of Western Maryland. I took this last week before we left. It snowed that weekend. As a matter of fact, the day we left was the nicest day we had. I hadn't seen the blue sky all weekend, or for that matter, since we had left Indiana.
If you look carefully, you'll see a black roofed church. That's the church my father served at for ten years. He is buried in that cemetary. He is buried amongst his congregation. He will be happy there. He is among friends.
Last night I had an opportunity to go to an
IU basketball game in Bloomington.
This picture is from part of teh pregame warm up. The cheerleaders are in the midst of some cheer or another. Its always a good time going to Assembly Hall. The game was alright, the Hoosiers seemed a bit flat. It wasn't their best game, though they did win, by three points. 
Prior to the game my friend Joe and I went to a restaraunt called The Irish Lion. A wonderful place to eat. I had a bread bowl of a soup called Codel. Yummy. And to wash it down I had a half-yard of beer (hence the long glasses). I'm slowly coming back to some form of normalcy. I didn't realize how tired and stressed I'd been over the last month. I've needed this down time.
Monday, February 25, 2008
I woke up this morning about 9:30 to the sound and feeling of my big grey cat pawing my bed, telling me it was time to eat. I opened my eyes and looked around, for a second I wasn't sure where I was. I was in a fog. Quickly, though, my mind snapped into place and I realized I was home, in Greenwood and one of the longest weekends in my life had come to a close.
Yesterday afternoon, as my mom and I drove home Western Maryland, after laying my father to rest. I found myself thinking quietly "has it been a week already? Has my dad been dead that long?" As a matter of fact, I wasn't a hundred percent sure that yesterday was, in fact, Sunday-- I had to check the masthead of the local newspaper to confirm that it was Sunday.
My dad would of been very pleased with the funeral and commital services we had. They were both packed with Grace and God's Love. The Monday after he died, my mom and I sat down with the Lutheran Hymnals. We looked at each's funeral services and decided the new Lutheran Service Book's funeral service was the "best." It really flowed nicely. We borrowed a couple things from the Lutheran Worship.
I must stop here and say this: pre-plan, and pre-pay for your funerals, if you are able. Both of my parents had the forethought to do that and it was a blessing for both my mom and I that my father had done so. It made every so much easier (and to a certain degree, cheaper, too).
We had an open casket. He was dressed in a blue suit, brown shirt and tie. He didn't want to be buried in a clerical. He did, however, have a white stole place over his hands and single red rose in the casket with him. He looked peaceful.
Surprisingly, my fingers are the same size his were. I am wearing a ring of his-- his "pastor's ring." A simple gold ring with an opal top with the Chi Rho symbol carved on the top. My mom doesn't think I should wear it because I'm not ordained, and I'll probably take it off eventually, but right now, I just want to wear it. I'm not sure why.
There has been very little sadness since my father died. As a matter of fact, I was concerned about my lack of mourning feelings, if you will. So, I actually went to the book store and looked through some "death and grieving" books. I learned one thing: there is no right way to mourn, but as I skimmed through the books I discovered something else. The people these books talked about didn't have anyone to place their grief on. If nothing else, these five weeks in general and the last week in particular, have helped me relise that God has been in control and if I believe what I say I believe than my father is with his Lord. He is in Heaven and he is more than happy. To be honest, I haven't had many feelings of mourning, but I have had some feelings of jealousy. I want to know what is he seeing, what is he doing? Basically, what's it like?
My mom and I are doing okay. We were both thankful to get home safely.
Yesterday afternoon, as my mom and I drove home Western Maryland, after laying my father to rest. I found myself thinking quietly "has it been a week already? Has my dad been dead that long?" As a matter of fact, I wasn't a hundred percent sure that yesterday was, in fact, Sunday-- I had to check the masthead of the local newspaper to confirm that it was Sunday.
My dad would of been very pleased with the funeral and commital services we had. They were both packed with Grace and God's Love. The Monday after he died, my mom and I sat down with the Lutheran Hymnals. We looked at each's funeral services and decided the new Lutheran Service Book's funeral service was the "best." It really flowed nicely. We borrowed a couple things from the Lutheran Worship.
I must stop here and say this: pre-plan, and pre-pay for your funerals, if you are able. Both of my parents had the forethought to do that and it was a blessing for both my mom and I that my father had done so. It made every so much easier (and to a certain degree, cheaper, too).
We had an open casket. He was dressed in a blue suit, brown shirt and tie. He didn't want to be buried in a clerical. He did, however, have a white stole place over his hands and single red rose in the casket with him. He looked peaceful.
Surprisingly, my fingers are the same size his were. I am wearing a ring of his-- his "pastor's ring." A simple gold ring with an opal top with the Chi Rho symbol carved on the top. My mom doesn't think I should wear it because I'm not ordained, and I'll probably take it off eventually, but right now, I just want to wear it. I'm not sure why.
There has been very little sadness since my father died. As a matter of fact, I was concerned about my lack of mourning feelings, if you will. So, I actually went to the book store and looked through some "death and grieving" books. I learned one thing: there is no right way to mourn, but as I skimmed through the books I discovered something else. The people these books talked about didn't have anyone to place their grief on. If nothing else, these five weeks in general and the last week in particular, have helped me relise that God has been in control and if I believe what I say I believe than my father is with his Lord. He is in Heaven and he is more than happy. To be honest, I haven't had many feelings of mourning, but I have had some feelings of jealousy. I want to know what is he seeing, what is he doing? Basically, what's it like?
My mom and I are doing okay. We were both thankful to get home safely.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
my dad's funeral is tomorrow at 11 o'clock am.
my mom and i are packed and ready to go. we will be driving to Maryland after the service. My dad is going to be buried in the cemetery of St. Lutheran Church "the Cove," Accident, MD. He served there for 10 years and that congregation was a blessing to him in more ways than I can even talk about.
The funeral arrangements have all been made. Everything was quite easy. What a relief. My mom and I are both ready for a break. It has been a long four weeks, but we are both doing well. We're tired, but feel okay. We're mainly tired.
I hope I can blog from the road, but I'm not sure I'll have internet access.
The funeral service comes from the Lutheran Service Book. Its a beautiful service.
As I said earlier, he will be buried in Accident, MD. There will be commital service done in the church because its going to be very cold. That is going to be officiated by a man that my father supported and helped get into seminary.
my mom and i are packed and ready to go. we will be driving to Maryland after the service. My dad is going to be buried in the cemetery of St. Lutheran Church "the Cove," Accident, MD. He served there for 10 years and that congregation was a blessing to him in more ways than I can even talk about.
The funeral arrangements have all been made. Everything was quite easy. What a relief. My mom and I are both ready for a break. It has been a long four weeks, but we are both doing well. We're tired, but feel okay. We're mainly tired.
I hope I can blog from the road, but I'm not sure I'll have internet access.
The funeral service comes from the Lutheran Service Book. Its a beautiful service.
As I said earlier, he will be buried in Accident, MD. There will be commital service done in the church because its going to be very cold. That is going to be officiated by a man that my father supported and helped get into seminary.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Its Monday, right?
It feels like Wednesday to me. These last 48 hours are a blur. Actually, maybe the last 72 hours are the blur. At one point today I literally sat down and couldn't remember what day it was today. I actually thought it was Tuesday. So much happened in the last two days that I can't quite, in my own mind, get it all straight. I think part of it is that I had two cups of coffee Sunday morning after coming home from the hospital. I should of just gone to bed and foregone the coffee.
After I got things taken care of at the hospital, I drove home. When I got there my mom and aunt were awake and sort of waiting for me. We sat at the kitchen table talking. I was decompressing a bit. Sorting through images, dissecting words spokend between my dad and I before he died. I was exhausted, yet I wide awake.
We waited until six o'clock and then my Aunt Anita, my mom's sister, went to McDonald's and got some of their breakfast buns. She brought those home, mom made scrambled eggs, and we had breakfast. Two cups of coffee, a sugarbun, and eggs later I was tired, but wired. Great combination. I lay down on my bed and tried to sleep, but I couldn't turn it off. The caffine didn't help. I fought to go to sleep for a couple hours and finally gave up.
I got up, and then kind of walked around in a befuddled caffine-caused cloud. Everything was in slowmotion for a while. About 2:30 mom and I went to the funeral home that is taking care of things. My parents, in forethought, preplanned and prepaid for their funerals. So, my mom and I just had to fill in some blanks and make sure everything was set properly.
By the time we were done there, we were both wiped. We ate out, but for the life of me, I can't remember the name of the joint. It was a deli, McAllister's, I think. THe food was good.
I've been thinking back to Sunday night all day. It was a night that I will not soon forget. I have seen dead bodies before. I've been to many different funerals, but I've never actually seen anyone die. My father's passing was so quiet, it was almost surreal. One second he was here, breathing hard, the next he was gone. It was literally like a switch was flipped off. It was so sudden that the nurses weren't even sure he had gone. He was peaceful. His eyes were slightly lidded and his mouth slightly open. His arms across his chest. It was silent.
I took some time to be with my father before I left. It was he and I. I stroked his forehead and took his hand in mine. I prayed over his body, thanking God for taking care of him and easing his pain. I thanked God for taking my father to Heaven and for allowing me to be his son. I kissed his forehead lightly and then pulled the sheets up to his chin. Before I left I pulled the curtain around his bed so no one could look in. I wanted him to have his dignity. The last thing I did was turn off all the lights and then walked away.
I don't think I can put into words how it felt to be in that room at the moment. I wasn't scared or angry. I was glad I was there. He needed me to be there.
When I was little, right around the time his father died, my dad took me to a funeral home. My grandfather didn't want me to see him in his coffin. He wanted me to "remember the good times," but my father wanted me to understand death. So, he talked with a funeral home director on Long Island and we went to view a body in a coffin. I think it was probably one of the most important things my father ever did for me. It is because of that visit that death doesn't scare me in the least. I remember the man, I don't know his name, but he was laid out in his coffin. His head was to my right. He wore a blue suit. He had white hair. His coffin was completely open. He had been a veteran, I remember the tri-pointed flag.
It feels like Wednesday to me. These last 48 hours are a blur. Actually, maybe the last 72 hours are the blur. At one point today I literally sat down and couldn't remember what day it was today. I actually thought it was Tuesday. So much happened in the last two days that I can't quite, in my own mind, get it all straight. I think part of it is that I had two cups of coffee Sunday morning after coming home from the hospital. I should of just gone to bed and foregone the coffee.
After I got things taken care of at the hospital, I drove home. When I got there my mom and aunt were awake and sort of waiting for me. We sat at the kitchen table talking. I was decompressing a bit. Sorting through images, dissecting words spokend between my dad and I before he died. I was exhausted, yet I wide awake.
We waited until six o'clock and then my Aunt Anita, my mom's sister, went to McDonald's and got some of their breakfast buns. She brought those home, mom made scrambled eggs, and we had breakfast. Two cups of coffee, a sugarbun, and eggs later I was tired, but wired. Great combination. I lay down on my bed and tried to sleep, but I couldn't turn it off. The caffine didn't help. I fought to go to sleep for a couple hours and finally gave up.
I got up, and then kind of walked around in a befuddled caffine-caused cloud. Everything was in slowmotion for a while. About 2:30 mom and I went to the funeral home that is taking care of things. My parents, in forethought, preplanned and prepaid for their funerals. So, my mom and I just had to fill in some blanks and make sure everything was set properly.
By the time we were done there, we were both wiped. We ate out, but for the life of me, I can't remember the name of the joint. It was a deli, McAllister's, I think. THe food was good.
I've been thinking back to Sunday night all day. It was a night that I will not soon forget. I have seen dead bodies before. I've been to many different funerals, but I've never actually seen anyone die. My father's passing was so quiet, it was almost surreal. One second he was here, breathing hard, the next he was gone. It was literally like a switch was flipped off. It was so sudden that the nurses weren't even sure he had gone. He was peaceful. His eyes were slightly lidded and his mouth slightly open. His arms across his chest. It was silent.
I took some time to be with my father before I left. It was he and I. I stroked his forehead and took his hand in mine. I prayed over his body, thanking God for taking care of him and easing his pain. I thanked God for taking my father to Heaven and for allowing me to be his son. I kissed his forehead lightly and then pulled the sheets up to his chin. Before I left I pulled the curtain around his bed so no one could look in. I wanted him to have his dignity. The last thing I did was turn off all the lights and then walked away.
I don't think I can put into words how it felt to be in that room at the moment. I wasn't scared or angry. I was glad I was there. He needed me to be there.
When I was little, right around the time his father died, my dad took me to a funeral home. My grandfather didn't want me to see him in his coffin. He wanted me to "remember the good times," but my father wanted me to understand death. So, he talked with a funeral home director on Long Island and we went to view a body in a coffin. I think it was probably one of the most important things my father ever did for me. It is because of that visit that death doesn't scare me in the least. I remember the man, I don't know his name, but he was laid out in his coffin. His head was to my right. He wore a blue suit. He had white hair. His coffin was completely open. He had been a veteran, I remember the tri-pointed flag.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Funeral Arrangements
As many of you may know, my father, Ernest Lindner, passed away on February 17th.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for being so helpful the last month as my mother and I have dealt with his illness and hospitalization. My mother and I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and prayers during this time.
My father’s funeral will be on Thursday, Feb. 21st, at 11 am, at Calvary Lutheran Church, 6111 S Shelby St, Indianapolis, IN.
Internment will be in St. John’s Lutheran Church cemetery located in Accident, MD the following Saturday.
Please, do not send flowers. Below are two organizations we, as a family support.
Worship for Shut Ins
Lutheran Ministries Media, Inc.
3225 Crescent Avenue Fort Wayne, In 46805-1501
Worship for Shut Ins website.
Bethesda Homes and Services Cypress Campus
PO Box 729
Cypress, TX 77410-0729
Bethesda's Website
Thank you again.
Carolyn and Karl Lindner
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for being so helpful the last month as my mother and I have dealt with his illness and hospitalization. My mother and I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and prayers during this time.
My father’s funeral will be on Thursday, Feb. 21st, at 11 am, at Calvary Lutheran Church, 6111 S Shelby St, Indianapolis, IN.
Internment will be in St. John’s Lutheran Church cemetery located in Accident, MD the following Saturday.
Please, do not send flowers. Below are two organizations we, as a family support.
Worship for Shut Ins
Lutheran Ministries Media, Inc.
3225 Crescent Avenue Fort Wayne, In 46805-1501
Worship for Shut Ins website.
Bethesda Homes and Services Cypress Campus
PO Box 729
Cypress, TX 77410-0729
Bethesda's Website
Thank you again.
Carolyn and Karl Lindner
In God's Arms, Now
Rev. Ernest G. Lindner
April 5, 1937 - February 17, 2008
Rest in Peace. God bless you and keep you. I love you and always will.
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