it has been too long since i have written in this blog. does anyone even really blog any more? it seems that its all about youtubing now. i guess i'm old fashioned. ive missed bogging, i really have. every time i try to blog, i have to fight with Google to unlock this blog. i just don't seem to care that much sometimes, i guess.

for some reason i had a need to fight with Google to open and unlock this blog, but as soon as i sat down to write, i completely forgot the reason why.

I thought I'd dust this blog off. Okay, granted, I had to work hard to get this blog unlocked.

It took me awhile but I got it unlocked. I've missed blogging. there is so much for me to blog about. My current passion is craft beer. I need to write about craft beer more. Indiana craft beer in particular.

So, right now, I'm just dusting off the place. Been a while.

Recently, I had sometime on my hands, so I decided to read Rob Bell'sLove Wins. I will start of by saying this: I will never get that time back.

I have heard a lot about this book. It made quite a splash when it came out a few months back and I, being a curious fellow, decided to give it a whirl. As a literary work, it is, to say the least lacking. Its written in a staccato, had-too-much-coffee-not-enough-toast-this-morning type prose. It was very easy to skim, it never truly grabbed me and pulled me in, which in the end was probably a good thing.

As for the theology, well, it was, to say the least, lacking. As I was reading/skimming the book John 10:1 kept coming to mind: "Truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in another way is, that man is a thief and a robber." Bell tries with great veracity and very little success to turn the head of the reader. His premise is basically

this: John 3:17, Jesus really didn't mean that. Nope, not at all, he was kind foolin, yeah. Srsly!

In short, he stops at John 3:169a. The whole bit about "whoever believes in me shall be should not perish but have eternal life" he just kind of pushes away. And John 3:17? Forget it, doesnt exist.

Fountain Square Brewery

It has been a while since I visited this little section of the cyberworld.  Unfortunately, my attention has been captured by facebook & twitter (you can follow me on twitter here: @loofrin) the 140 characters have stymied my writing.  That's sad to say, but its the truth.  I'm not saying that facebook and twitter are necessarily bad, matter of fact, I think they are fantastic and quite enjoy being a user of both, particularly twitter.  I never realized how powerful twitter is until I tweeted a couple negative things about a particular company, they contacted me directly in very quick order.

What I want to talk about today though is a brewery.  I like beer.  I enjoy beer.  I live near the Fountain Square/Garfield Park section of Indianapolis.  I love this area.  Garfield Park is the largest public park in Indianapolis.  It is just a beautiful place to go.  The Sunken Gardens and the green house are amazing.  I visited Garfield Park for the first time about a year ago and fell in love with it and decided that I would like to live in the area.  In April, I was able to fulfill that wish.  I live less than a mile from Garfield Park and enjoy waking to it from time to time to relax.

Fountain Square is very close to my heart.  Its sort of like, maybe, if I can use the term, Indianapolis' version of SOHO, I wouldn't call it Indianapolis' version of "the Village," that probably goes to Broad Ripple, maybe.  Fountain Square, back in the day, was the terminus for the horse drawn trolleys that meandered through Indianapolis.  Supposedly, there were a variety of big water fountains that were used to water the horses.  As far as I can tell there is only one fountain left.  I have actually used that fountain to quench my thirst from time to time.  Its good water.

Fountain Square was, at one time, a vibrant commercial area on the south side of Indianapolis, but, sadly, as happens often, it fell into hard times and then some squalor, but eventually, it started to turn around and became what it is today: if I may say so: a hipster haven.

I haven't forgotten about the brewery, I"m getting to it.  Hold your horses.  This is backstory.  Backstory is important.  You need backstory.

Fountain Square Brewery is a start up business.  It has been in business for roughly seven months, it is one of my favorite places and they brew the best beer I have ever had.  Yes, I said that.  I'll say it again.  They brew the best beer I've ever had.  They have an Amber beer that is pretty much heavenly.  As I type this, I am enjoying their Backyard Porter.  I can't say enough good things about their beer.  I had an opportunity to chat with one of the owner-partners today.  We talked for almost an hour about their philosophy of beer and such.  It turns out that the three partners are, in some fashion or another, are geeks and they look at brewing beer from the microbiology aspect.  They are scientists and chemists.  I don't mean to use "geek" in a pejorative manner, in fact, I use it in a celebratory manner!

I can't say enough good things about Fountain Square Brewery's beer.  Not a one of them is bad.  I tend to lean towards "amber" beers and darker beers, but their Pilsner is top notch and refreshing.  The Pale Ale is smooth and light.  Just what you want in a pale ale.  The porter, has wonderful chocolate start and a subtle coffee finish.  Their Amber, my favorite , maybe its because its called Preacher's Daughter Amber, is refreshing and clean.  It really is probably the best beer I have ever had.

So, yeah, I'm I'll be on the ramparts waving the Fountain Square Brewery flag.

A lot has happened to me over the last months.  It is tough to quantify everything has happened in the last eight or nine months.  Nine months ago this week, my passed away after a short, but gallant fight against vicious form of  lymphoma.  It was a shock to lose my mom as quickly as I did.  She had been a the picture of health, at least as healthy as a 70 year old woman can be, but slowly, last summer she started to tire and get weird bruises on her arm, but she equated the tiredness to stress and some depression and the bruises to using 'too much aspirin," but, as summer faded into early autumn, she became more tired and was afraid she had slipped into a deeper depression.  So she went to the doctor and he prescribed her some antidepressant medication.  That made things worse.  The reaction to the medication was scary.  She was sick, couldn't eat and when she did she would get sick to her stomach.  She lost weight.  


She went back to the doctor and essentially demanded a blood test.  He gave her a blood and test and it was discovered she had an incredibly high white blood cell count.  The average person's white blood cell count is, if i remember correctly 5,000, mom's count was somewhere's upwards of 250,000.  To say she was thrown into the hospital is an understatement.  Her doctor, almost literally threw her bodily into the hospital.  She was in the hospital for the first time for two full weeks.

Long story short, mom was in the hospital two more times.  She died in the hospital on November 5, 2011.  she was a tough woman, she soldiered on the best she could.  That mantel cell was just too strong for her.

After she passed, I decided I had to move.  The house I was living in was, to say the least, much too big for me.  One person and a little cat in 2000 square feet is very much like a little green pea in a large tin can.  The beginning of April I moved from the house I'd lived in for almost ten years to a smaller, two story "town home' closer to Indianapolis.  This place is a bit too big for me, too, but it has a washer and dryer hookup, which is nice because I don't have to take my wash to a laundromat (bluch).

In May, I lost my job.  I was fired because I did something incredibly stupid and I'm not sure why I did it, but I did it and I admitted to it.  And I was fired.  At the beginning of June I started a new job: car salesman. Its not an easy gig, that's for sure.  I haven't made much money from selling, but I believe in the maxim that 80 percent is showing up.  I show up every day and try and learn something new.

With the year 2012 officially half over, I'm curious and a bit worried about what 2012 will look like in the rearview of 2013.

I have many good tools to get through next months, mainly Faith and Prayer.

Satan, you still lost

Rev Jeff Geske is a man of profound faith. I don't know the man, never met him. I have never even heard of his name until the other day when my Facebook Timeline exploded with horrible news that he and his family had been involved in a horrific auto accident that took the lives of his wife and two of his three children.

How can I make such a bold statement about someone I've never met and do not know? Its very simple, God seems to think so, too. Wait, stop, "hold the weddin," as Kinky Friedman would say. God thinks so, too? How in the world can I speak for God? I can't, but here's my reasoning: scripture tells us that God knows how much we can bear and Rev Geske, a confessing Lutheran who holds the Cross close and the resurrection of Jesus Christ closer knows has something to hold on to.

I don't understand why something like this happens. My first reaction to the news was "Why, how can God let something like this happen?" And for a split second, the olde how-can-a-loving-God-let-such-a-bad-thing-happen question did bubble to the surface, but then something interesting happened: my faith kicked in and all those doubts were washed away in an instant.

Faith in the pure truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Doctrine of Baptism kind of did "we got this, yo" to my Old Adam.

And then, yesterday, Rev. Charles Lehman posted this on his Facebook page:

"Thank you! I would like to thank everyone for the words and love shown to me during this most difficult time at the death of Laura and Joshua and Joy. I rejoice knowing that they are now in heaven with our Savior Jesus. I miss them so much, but I know that one great and glorious day, they will along with Jesus welcome me home to heaven. May this difficult time for me remind you and encourage you to continue to express your love to your family. They are so precious and truly a gift from God on loan to us. May God comfort you as He is comforting me. Never forget how much God loves you! John 3:16-17"

"Take comfort in the five most important words you can ever know which are, "Jesus died for my sins! Jesus loves you and so I ask and encourage you to love others and share His love, forgiveness, and salvation with them. Heaven is our home!"

His congregation is truly blest.

I can't imagine the heart pain that Rev. Geske is experiencing right now, but I can celebrate with him with the knowledge that his wife and children are in the Grace and celebrating life everlasting.

Satan, as hard as you tried, you still lost.

My prayers continue for physical healing for Rev. Geske and his son, but they also continue that he hold tight to the knowledge of Christ crucified. His faith is strong, rock solid. He is a spiritual role model for me.

Blessings to you Rev. Geske.

Eph 3:12, 14-21

Mom's Funeral Sermon

Carolyn Lindner…Hebrews 13:14

What a blessing was this Christian lady! When the Lord our God begins to gather for Himself a covenant people, the Lord calls a man named Abraham. To this man the Lord God promises, I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. I will bless you in order that you may be a blessing. The Lord our God intends that to be a description of all of His people. It certainly is an apt description of Carolyn. She was blessed to be a blessing, and she was a blessing.

Through her marriage to Ernest Lindner, Carolyn became the wife of a pastor. Thus as he moved, accepting calls to serve in six different places, Carolyn, and you also Karl, also moved. Carolyn was a blessing in Lyndhurst, New Jersey and Roanoke, Virginia, in Peekskill, New York, and Accident, Maryland, in Houston, Texas and finally here in Greenwood, Indiana. In all those places she found numerous ways in which to be a blessing. Last week we completed with our older adults and the children of our Day School the filling of shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. For several years Carolyn helped organize and process this special benefit that through Samaritan’s Purse gives hope and joy and a shoebox of little gifts to children around the world. Blessings don’t necessarily come in large ways or in gigantic boxes. A small shoebox provides a tremendous blessing when you have little or nothing. We don’t always need to be doing the large projects or be seen standing in front and leading persons to be a blessing. Many of the things Carolyn did around here after the Lindners moved up from Texas were not the out-in-front of people kinds of things, but rather the smaller, behind-the-scenes kinds of things. But they are still blessings. As the Lord God directed Abraham, so he directs all His people: I will bless you that you might be a blessing. Carolyn was a blessing.

Carolyn was born in Bayonne, New Jersey and baptized at Grace Lutheran Church there. She was confirmed at St John’s Lutheran in Williston Park, New York, a village in Nassau County on Long Island. From there she graduated from Mineola High School and later earned a degree from Luther College in Teaneck, New Jersey. Those places all sound a little foreign to us Midwesterners, but Bayonne and Williston Park and Teaneck are all located around New York City. Carolyn was born and raised around “the city” as she called it. She loved the city. I’m not sure she would want to go back and live any more in the places she’d grown up in, because the city of New York and all those places have changed so much since the forties, fifties and sixties when she lived there, but she still loved the city.

God’s Word uses that picture to point us to Him and our heavenly home. The Word of our God reminds us that here in this place and in this life, we do not have an enduring city, but, says Hebrews 13:14 “we are looking for the city that is to come.” Says St Paul to the Philippians, “Our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”


Certainly it was our prayer and would have been our prayer that her mantle cell lymphoma would have responded to treatment better and her years here with you as family and with us as her Christian family might have lasted for a while longer. 71 years is not that old. Yet today’s newspaper will print the names of those who have died, some having lived significantly longer than Carolyn, others who lived quite a few years less than Carolyn. We do not know the number of our days. But we do know the promises of God. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, writes the psalmist, “and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” That’s the city that is to come, the place we in faith are looking forward to as we dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

After services here at Calvary on Sunday, October 30th, I stopped by room 603 where Carolyn was hospitalized at St Francis Beech Grove. She’d been feeling discomfort and pain, and while trying to stay at home, it became necessary for her to be admitted back to St Francis. Though receiving medication it was obvious Carolyn still was most uncomfortable. Because of the medication she was dozing in and out during our brief visit, although she still tried to visit. One of the things she said during that brief visit was, I don’t know whether I’m going to get out of this place or not. She didn’t say it with fear; she didn’t say it with remorse or anxiety or regret. She just stated that from where she was in that bed and with the pain she had and the treatments she’d already been through, she just didn’t know if she’d get healthy enough to return home.

Carolyn, whether directly or indirectly, was already looking for the city that is to come. Carolyn was a Christian lady, a child of God, one who lived by faith and trusted in her Lord and Savior, just as we do. “God is our refuge and strength, declares Psalm 46, “an ever-present help in trouble.” In faith, and in the midst of her pain, she knew the one who is ever-present with His people, the Lord our God, our refuge and our strength. This is the One who led her through life, the One who fed her with His Word and with His Sacrament, the One who loved her with an everlasting love, the One who gathered her to Himself very suddenly last Saturday morning.

Born on May 6, 1940 Carolyn was the oldest daughter born to Harold and Edna (McVeigh) Scholz in Bayonne, New Jersey. This was a Christian family and Carolyn was made a member of the Lord’s family through the washing of baptism at Grace Evangelical Lutheran Church there in Bayonne. As she was baptized in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, the Lord God, her refuge and strength and her Good Shepherd proclaimed, You are mine now, Carolyn. You are a part of my family, this household of faith, this community of saints. I died for you, and through faith in me you are now part of my eternal family. Operation Grace Child brought to Carolyn by her heavenly Father.

Fourteen years later, having just celebrated her fourteenth birthday, standing before the congregation of God’s people at St. John’s Evangelical Lutheran in Williston Park on Long Island, New York, Carolyn publicly professed this Christian faith as her own confession. She was confirmed on May 23, 1954 by Pastor Ernest Sherer. Carolyn’s confirmation verse is 1 Timothy 6:12: “Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”


The good fight of faith continued throughout Carolyn’s life for she lived by faith and walked with her Lord Jesus Christ. On August 8, 1971 she married Pastor Ernest Lindner, and son, Karl, was born to them on February 27, 1974. We gathered here on February 21, 2008 to give thanks to the Lord for the life and faith of Carolyn’s husband and your father, Karl. He also, as your mom, was in the 71st year of his life when he went home to be with his Lord and Savior.

That’s what we remember today, that we all are on a journey. As followers of Jesus Christ we believe that this not our final home. We look forward toward that city of God, that place called heaven where our Lord and Savior has set aside a place for all who trust and believe in him. In Revelation 21 we are given that picture of the city of God as that place where the Lord God comes to dwell with His people. He is in their midst, making all things new.

That day when Carolyn took hold of eternal life came on Saturday, but it was a gift that the Lord had bestowed upon her in His grace many years earlier and many times since then. This day, today, is not the final step in this life, and Carolyn knew that. The Lord had called her by His grace, washing her in the waters of regeneration and pouring His mercy, forgiveness and love upon her heart and life again and again. We take hold of eternal life because the Lord first takes hold of us through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus.


All of us will stand before the judgment seat of God. He will review all the days of our life. Our eternity in heaven or our eternity in hell rests at that point in His hands. There is nothing I can hide from Him, nothing I can change before Him. I have fallen short. I am guilty before the Almighty. We all have fallen short. We all are guilty before Him. This Christian lady knew that also.

That’s why she readily confessed Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, the One who forgives all our sins, the One who takes that guilt to himself on the cross at Calvary, the one who stands victorious on Easter morning and always as the conqueror of death and sin, the One who stands with all those who believe in Him when we stand before the judgment seat of God. Through faith in Christ alone we confidently proclaim-I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

We walk now in that same faith, clinging to Christ Jesus in faith and trust, knowing that through Him we shall be joined together once again as the saints above. Until then we rejoice in His blessing to us through His Son, for in Jesus Christ He continues to call us. He calls us to fight the good fight of faith. He calls us to take hold of the eternal life to which He has called us. He calls us to be a blessing even as He has blessed us to be His very own through Jesus Christ, our Savior. And in His precious name. Amen.

How'd This Happen?

I'm a little scared at the moment. That's not right, I'm not scared, scared, but more like, I don't know, freaked out...? Maybe. Not even that.

Here's what it is. I did the following today. I went to the bank and got money. I rented a DVD. And I got stamps. Here's how I did it. I went to the ATM and got the money, used my check card to get the money. I used Redboxfor the first time ever, gave them my email address, and swiped my check card. I went to the lobby of the post office, after hours, bought a "book" stamps, used my check card.

Here's the thing: absolutely no human contact, at all. None. That's just kind of scary. I guess it just hit me how today how really connected and disconnected we really are. How easy it is to spend money and not even realize I'm doing it. It doesn't seem to hurt as much when I swipe a plastic card instead of handing over a dead president. Geeze, I'm writing this blog, marveling at the world around me and not talking to any one. Just typing away. Maybe someone will read it, but what does that mean? No human contact.

I vaguely remember a time before ATMs. You needed cash for the weekend? You better get to the bank before end of business on Friday or out a luck, Chuck. Need stamps? Get thee to the Post Office and wait in line. You need a weekend's entertainment? Wanna rent a DVD (VHS, remember those?) Blockbuster down the street.... remember those?

I honestly do worry about the world and the generations coming. Will there be socialization at all?

I see cellphone-zombies walking, looking at their little screens. I'm guilty of it myself. i keep saying "I need to unplug" but I'm not really sure you can even really do that anymore. We've turned a corner, we really have. I don't know when or where, but we turned a corner. A corner that we can't unturn.

Library Self-Assessment

I read this article with great interest earlier today. It was written by one of the Library Science students here at IUPUI. She basically asks the question what do I want to do next? Read the post and you'll see there is more to it than that, but that's the gist.

I agree, when I was going through library school, I too asked myself "what kind of librarian do I want to be?" I bounced back and forth between public and academic. Through some happy accidents, I fell into the world of academic librarianship, for better or worse and found that I do enjoy the academic realm. There are parts of it that I don't like, but on the whole enjoy the atmosphere, mostly.

I find myself, almost four years after graduation (still struggeling to find the full time job) what type of librarian do I want to be. Part of the problem is this: when I was going to school I didn't get much, if any guidance. I went to my "advisor" and he threw a grey sheet of paper at me and said "here, follow this" and I was summarily dismissed. So, I followed that sheet of paper. I held onto it like a life raft. It was my guide.

When I was going to school the internet was really taking off, but my profs were still very much bookbound. I was taught how to use indexes and the like, databases were given a glance and Wikipedia was "of the Debil!"

I knew I wanted to be a reference librarian, so I took the reference classes. I didn't look much at the digital library classes, mainly because I didn't really understand what that meant, I've learned, but I didn't get much into them.

Library Science is exploding. It seems that there are more librarians out there now than ever before, to some degree this might not be an exaggeration. It doesn't help that there are not one, but two library science schools pumping us out in this state alone. This sounds like sour grapes, I'm sure, but its not-- it more frustration...

I keep up with trends via Twitter, you can find me @loofrin, through Facebook, and various other professional orgainzations (American Library Asssociation). Though, I'm honestly not sure what the ALA does, other than stomp its foot and get political from time to time. I'm a member, but grudgingly. I follow a variety of job boards, talk to librarians, and, on occasion, actually sit down and read "professional literature," but to do that I have to be well caffinated.

I learned a lot in library school, don't get me wrong, but I've had to do some scrambling to fill in the gaps and there are many. My self assement is this: I have a lot of work to do to get myself where I need to be.

The next few weeks and months are going to be very interesting and not necessarily in a good way; because of budget cuts my reference position is going to be fazed out. So, I'm a little at a loss as to what I'll be doing, but then there this scary little nugget that has been growing ever so slightly: maybe getting out of the library profession would be best. I've given it my best shot, done what I could and, to a degree have failed. I don't want to leave, but maybe that's the direction I need to go.

That thought saddens me. Truly. I've wanted to be a librarian since I was little, roughly the age of 12.

Maybe I need to take a break. Go back to selling books. Maybe I should do something crazy, like wait tables. I don't know.

I can say this, though, my faith is strong. I know its all going to work out. There is not telling where this may lead. One door is closing. Another will open.

Let's Get This Party Started!

Pastor: What did the women see when they looked into the tomb?
Child: There was no one there!
--from the children's sermon on Easter Sunday

A member of our church died yesterday. He had been fighting cancer for the last four years, or so. I didn't know him, but I knew he who he was. I'd seen him a few Sundays back. He was a regular church goer. He, by his regular attendance and worship was a faith-role model for me. His name was Jack Fix. He died yesterday afternoon after being in hospice care for a week, or so. When his death was announced in church today the first thing I thought of, and it might be silly, but I could almost see St. Peter at the Gates seeing Jack coming along and saying to him "Oh, good! You're just in time! There's a heckuva party getting ready to start, and you're invited!"

Indeed, there is.

Today's Gospel reading in the lectionary came from Matthew 28:1-10. I found the second verse to be a wonderful image: "And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it." (ESV) For some reason, the image of an Angel of the Lord sitting on the stone that was just rolled away makes me smile. I can almost see the Angel swinging his feet back and forth sitting on top of the stone waiting for the women to come having a hard time containing the greatest news of all!

The tomb was empty! Empty!

It is because of that empty tomb that Mr. Fix in his glory. His glory, neither earned or deserved, but given freely. Given to us through Jesus Christ's death on the cross and his resurrection from the tomb, because 'death is swallowed up in victory, oh death, where is your victory? Oh death, where is your sting?" (1 Cor 15:54,55). Indeed, death has no victory, there is no sting. Death is the loser, death gets stung, and Mr. Fix gets the gift of eternal life, his party has just begun.

Winning? Won!

Sometimes we Lutherans are accused of being a little bit Cross-obsessed. I remember the words of St. Paul in 1 Corinthians: "I was determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified" and Galatians 3: "before your eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified" and think about the joy of the Easter morning message the angel gave to women was: "You seek Jesus who was crucified. He, the crucified one, is not here. He is Risen!

The Cross is very much the heart, core, center, and focus of the sacred scripture because it is what He came to do; into our own flesh and blood in order the he might offer it up as this fully sufficient ransom for us, so that we could be set free!

It is the heart, core, center; true, it would leave us dead in our sin if He had not been raised, no question there. But it's the fact that He raised the one who bore the sin of the world that makes his resurrection the absolution of the entire world..." -- Rev. Will Weedon on Issues,Etc April 22, 2011

How does one truly wrap their brain around this fact: our true punishment for sin was taken on by one man. Who allowed himself to be nailed to a cross so that we might have the blessing of eternal life? I'm not really sure its possible. Jesus allowed himself to be beaten, whipped, mocked, debased, humiliated, for all of us. He went willing to take our place. Yours, mine, and even, believe it or not Charlie Sheen's.

We did nothing to deserve this gift and can do nothing to repay it, don't even try. Its more than us. More than me. More than you. Or, as Propaganda says in this video: "its above your pay grade..."

Made Strong Through Weakness and Grace

As many were astonished at you--
his appearance was so marred, beyond
human semblance,
and his form beyond that of the children of
mankind --Isaiah 52:14 (ESV)

From the little research I have done crucifiction was a horrible way to die. Until just recenlty when I would read the lines "and they crucified him" I didn't honestly know what that I meant. I mean I knew it meant Jesus was nailed to a cross with spikes, or large nails, but for some reason "crucified" meant "died instantly," and yet, if you read the scriptures you see that Jesus lingered for hours. I read, recently, that someone crucified could linger for a day or more and they was to hasten death was to break the legs of the condemmed. We see that the Gospels, Pilate is surprised to hear the Jesus has already died when Roman soldiers go out to "finish the job." If I understand correctly, someone who was crucified died of exhaustion and asphyxiation. In short, their legs couldn't support them and they wouldn't be able to breath because of the deadweight resting on their diaphram.

One question I have heard asked more than any other is this: "why did Jesus die so quickly?" I'm not a medical doctor, but considering that he was flogged, beaten, not to mention hadn't had anything to drink, or eat in at least 24 hours might have something to do with it. There are any variety of medical reasons, I would think, that Jesus died quickly: blood loss. When Romans flogged someone they didn't play around. They played for keeps. Why do you think that Roman citizens couldn't be flogged?

Not only was Jesus flogged, but he was clothed in a purple robe. Probably something akin a velvety material. In short, almost a bandage. You know what happens when you pull off a bandage over a fresh finger cut? It rips and scab and the finger starts to bleed, again. Imagine that with the robe, but on a bigger scale, let's say a flayed back made raw and bloody with a cat-o-nine tails that probably had small bits of bone, or stone in the straps. The Romans played for keeps.


I can't truly imagine what Jesus went through, but the above passage from Isaiah certainly does give a mental visual: "his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance..." Jesus must of been a pulp.

Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the governors's headquarters, and they gathered a whole battalion before him. And they stipped him adn put a scarlet robe on him and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head adn put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him saying "Hail, King of the Jews...

\

Isaiah goes on in chapter 53:3,5

He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with
grief;
and as one from whom men hid their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not....
But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought
us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.

And here's the thing, ready? He did it for you and me. Willingly. Willingly. He allowed himself to be taken to slaughter. He allowed himself to be flogged. He allowed himself to be nailed to a tree and become the cursed one (Gal 3:13). Why? Who would do such a thing?

I'll tell you why he did it. He did it for this reason: so that we can "with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace in time of need" (Heb. 4:16). He did it so that we didn't have to. He did it so that we can take comfort in knowing that his grace is sufficient for us and his power is made perfect in our weakness(2Cor 12:8).

Loophole

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail..." -- Luke 23:31-32(a) ESV

Its funny. I've read and re-read the description of the Jesus' betrayal and trial as well as his death and resurrection many, many times. I can't count how many times I've read about it. And I don't think I've really read that verse. I went back and looked at my NIV and it was underlined so it must of made an impression somewhere along the line. I had written a little note next to it, too: John 17.


I've been following the lectionary series that is printed in the front of my Lutheran Study Bible (LSB). The series I'm following is the "Three-Year Lectionary: Series A." That's just a fancy way of saying "these are the readings that are assigned" for such and such a day. There are three readings: one from the Old Testement, one from the Epistles, and one from the Gospels. They build on each other. The Gospel reading being the cherry on the top. The reading for today, Wednesday of Holy Week is Luke 22:1-23:56.

I wrote the above paragraphs a few days ago. I didn't post this originally because I ran out of time. Since then, I have continued the readings. I am actually a day behind. I read Maundy Thursday's readings a little earlier. I'll read Good Friday's, the one that are appointed for today, later on this evening. I'm letting the Mauny Thurday kind of settle in and take root. Here is the verse that struck me today, It comes from Hebrews 9:22 "Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood tehre is no forgiveness of sins." That's the verse that is working its way through my conscience and unconscience.

When I was working Camp Lone Star, in La Grange, TX I had a camper who was very smart. He was from a good, stong Lutheran family. I can't remember his name, but he was about 8 or so. One morning we were walking back to our cabin after morning song time. We were just chatting about whatever it was when he stopped and looked at me quite ernestly and said "Pnut, if Jesus and I were the only two people on earth, who would kill him?" It stopped me in my tracks. I knew the answer immediately, but how do you tell an 8 year old that he, in fact, would be the one to nail Jesus to the cross? That question has stayed with me ever since. It was a tough question.


The two verses that have been working on me for a variety of reasons and I'm not really sure I can truly quantify them. Or even explain why they seem to have stopped me in my tracks. Maybe, the first one, Luke 22:31 makes me realize that Satan, or "the adversary" as it can be translated in the Greek (I looked it up the other day as I did some very ameteaur exegesis) is demanding me so that I can me "sifted like wheat." Of course, I immediately thought of Matthew 3:11-12

"I Baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into his barn, but that chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire" ESV

By rights, I should be in the chaff that is going into the fire. I am sinful by nature, unclean, soiled. I am a sinner through and through, from top to bottom. Satan is demanding me. He is damanding all of us and yet, because of God's Grace and Love, those who "believe and are baptized" are saved.
I have heard the story of W.C. Fields on his death bed. He was sitting up in bed with a Bible open on his lap, one his friends came in, he was shocked to Fields with a Bible. He asked W.C. what he was doing and, as the story goes, W.C. repsonded "looking for the loophole..." Except its not a loophole, not really. What Jesus did for us this day 2,000 years ago is much more than a loophole! And that's where Hebrews 9 seems to come in. My salvation comes through the blood-sacrafice that God demanded. There had to be atonement. God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that I could never atone for my sinful nature. It is so deeprooted, what we Lutherans call the "old Adam" I am sinful by nature, born into it, and to some degree I revel in it. And yet, because "God so loved the world (me/us/you)He sent his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." That is the loophole. Right there.

That faith that Jesus prayed Peter would have, I'd like to think he prayed I would have, too. If Peter, the Rock upon which Christ built his church was in need of special faith-prayer, then rest assured I am, too. I will sing my hosannas in the highest on Sunday. I will thank God for his love and Grace. And revel, not in sin, but in the great knowledge that I am in the Grace and that I am well blessed. Satan has demanded me, but as it says in the Apostle's Creed "He descended into hell and on the third day rose again! Yeah, I'll take the loophole. I'll take that loophole all day long.

my favorite Christmas poem, ever

The Gospel According to Walter

We passed the the open Bible around & waited.
Round robin, & it was my brother Walter's turn.
He knucklebrowed the passage, grunted, then began
"Yeah, here. Right here it says. Shepherds in the fields
keeping watch..." he what it was he wanted.
The angel of the Lord shone around them
They were terrified, but the angel said, Do not be afraid
Who the fuck's he kidding? Don't you figure
them guys would blow their cookies when they saw that?
I mean, you really ever see an angel?
Listen, they got the eleven-foot wing spans.
And talons on 'em at least this big.
With shit like that you do not mess.
Fer chrissake think about it: here it is
the middle of then ight & these poor bastards
freezin their cullyones off when wham! they catch
these mothers hoverin' over 'em like fuckin'
Huey gunships, goin' whucka whucka whucka.
Think about it: a buncha roaches like you & me
feeding in the kitchen in the middle of the night
when, whunk! goes the landlord's eyeballin' flashlight
& us there grooling just begging to have ourselves
be stompt & squished when this wingspans croons:
Do not be afraid. You gonna stick around for that?
Whucka whucka whucka & some fuckin' floodlight
saying: Go thou now & catch some stable action
in yonder Bethlehem. Who, me? You're lookin'
at one first-class heart attack is what"
He stopped to catch his breath, his impromptu exegesis
on the Sacred Text & the Sublime fulfilled,
then wiped his hand across his brow & gave the book
a spin. Eddie popped another beernut into his mouth
& winked, as if to say: "Okay numbnuts?
Didn't I tell you so?" The others stared in disbelief
at Walter. Walter leaned back on his elbows
& stared back hard. He was having
the last word on this one if it killed him.
"You heard me," is what he said, "I said a wingspan
at least eleven fuckin' feet.

-- Paul Mariani
Salvage Operations 1990. page 37

(don't lie, you know you've thought the exact same words; I know I have!)

ruminations of Faith (part 1... ?)

I've been watching these videos, the New Birth Portraits. There are actually very well done "coming to faith stories" put together by Redeemer Presbyterian Church, located in New York City. The pastor of the church is a fairly well-known author, Tim Keller.

I first heard about Pr Keller when my church did a four of five week "faith renewal" in-depth sermon series, bible study, etc based on his book Prodigal God. It was a pretty good book, and led to some interesting thought processes in me. I didn't quite agree with everything he said, but that's for another time. I was drawn to him to a degree through the videos that were shown at times. His soft spoken nature was engaging.

Shortly after that series was done, a book about Dietrich Bonhoeffer came out, entitled Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet Spy by Eric Metaxas. As a result of reading that book I started to "follow" him on twitter @ericmetaxas. He generally tweets about what's going on with his book, but one day he tweeted about his new Birth video. So, I followed the link he pushed through in his tweet and watched it a couple times. And then I kind of moved onto other things, but I did mark the site for the New Birth Portraits, as they are called on my de.lic.ious account and there they sat.

A few months later, I was told about a Lutheran pastor who did youtube videos. They are kinetic and fast paced, but are packed full with good Lutheran theology and are deeply rooted in the confessions of the Lutheran Church. I wrote about his vids in my last post. Since that last post, I have watched most, if not all of the videos that Rev. Fisk has posted. Each one makes me think, take notes, reach for my copy of the Book of Concord, and my Bible. In the last few weeks since discovering Rev Fisk my faith has grown deeper and it is a direct result of getting into the Word and really working with it, or as it we Lutherans say 'reading, marking, and inwardly digesting" it. I've discovered new things I've never heard of before and new authors I've never heard of or read before. It has been a wonderful and strengthening experience; however, this new found zeal, if I can call it that, has made me reflect on the faith I brought to the table, as it were.

One of the things that I have struggled with for a long time is this: I've never really had a "come to Jesus moment" or a "I accepted Christ as my savior moment" that seems to be so prevalent in the post-modern Christian church. The evangelical movement seems to make that a priority in their way of looking at things. It was lost on me and I found myself wondering and maybe doubting a little. I think that is something that many Lutherans struggle with, too.

This whole process has been a bit of an eye opener to me, too. I used to use and example that worked for me when it came to faith. It still works, I guess, but in my mind its changed a little. I used to say that you can't have faith with "I." Meaning that first person singular that is "I" or in this case "me" had a part in faith. There was no faith with the "I." Pardon, but I know realize that this is dangerous thinking. It really isn't. I was dangerously close to saying that I made the decision to follow Christ, when, in fact, through the Holy Spirit I was brought to faith. I didn't do anything. It was all Holy Spirit. Time and time again the human nature to make God small and we Humans big worms its way into Christianity the whole "hey, God, get outta my way, I think I'm gonna drive for awhile," or perhaps "God you really are my co-pilot. Or better put perhaps this video:



I was born into a Christian home, my father was a Lutheran Church Missouri Synod LCMS pastor and my mother always had faith. So I grew up in it. I was surrounded by it. I never realized it, but the Holy Spirit was working in me from day one. I had a what I call a "stand up/sit down" faith. Because I was in it since birth, in the case by "in it" I mean the LCMS, I knew when to stand, when to sit, and when to recite and sing the liturgy. I could do it from memory and not even think about it. I can relate to this video very well:



I don't think I ever got as far as he from my faith as Rev Fisk hints to above, but I did find myself questioning it.

shamed & inspired

This guy shamed me. Made me feel small and not all that Lutheran, err I mean Loofrin. I mean "Loofrin" has been my screen name and internet identity since, I don't know when... 1996? Its an amazing video.

The video discusses the The Book of Concord and why not only is it important to Lutherans, but why it should be important to all protestants (and maybe Catholics, as well). The Book of Concord (Boc) is a statement of Faith. It is the statement of Faith by the Lutheran Church. It is, as far as I'm concerned the second most important book in any Lutheran's library, or at least it should be.

I'm guilty of something. My BoCs (I have three different versions: this one, this one, and this one (except mine is a 1st ed, with errata sheet in the back). It doesn't matter which edition it is. They all have sat on my desk and literally collected dust. That above video kicked my ass and got me to get back into the BoC.

I've toted one of them to work with me (with my Bible so I can continue my 'cross-referencing project" I started about ten years ago)and I've started leaving another one in a particular room of the house that I know will give me an opportunity to read for a few minutes every now and again *ahem*.

So thank you Rev Fisk for the butt kick that i so desperately needed. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep this going. I've learned a lot already.

No Need to Worry Anymore

I am an unrepentant Bible marker.

I had an argument one time in college with a righteous pre-sem guy (aren't they all) who actually took exception to my Bible marking. He thought it unbecoming and he didn't think it was respectful. I disagreed, naturally, and then quoted to him the section of the Lutheran liturgy as found in the "old, red hymnal" aka The Lutheran Hymnal that we should "read, mark, and inwardly digest" the scriptures. That mullified him, but didn't exactly shut him up. As a good righteous pre-sem once he found a topic he became a bit of theological terrier and wouldn't let go.

When I read the scripture I have a pen in hand and highlighter nearby. There are whole pages in my Bible that are highlighted and underlined (sometimes the underlines are three different colors... three different times I've visited that verse or verses). I often cross reference verses to other verses that I've come across and think that one goes well with the other. So, the margins of my Concordia Self-Study Bible are often full of thoughts and observations, there are also old class notes from the Old Testament and New Testament classes I took while I was attending Concordia University (when it was still located in Austin, just north of University of Texas... home...). In short, it is a well, worked-over Bible. I have others that I use from time to time, but my first Self-Study is the old standby, the go to Bible, as it were. Sadly, I don't read it as often as I should. It gets tucked in a corner on my desk, or on the floor by my bed and I see it and think "gee, I should read that..." but more often than not, I get sidetracked by something (or someone) else and the thought goes away, much to my detriment. But, every now and again, I do follow through with the thought and open it up and start to read. Sometimes I just read where it opens, other times, I flip through until I find a page that I've marked (usually heavily) and start reading the notes to self and then go the actual scripture and try and reconnect with that person that read that particular scripture before. In short, I guess, those markings and underlinings are landmarks and spiritual tracks for me to follow, recognize, and to add to.

I also have the regally named Lutheran Study Bible. Its nice, but there's no room in the margins for personal notation. Besides I find the ESV (English Standard Version) to be a tad clunky and it doesn't flow quite as nicely as the NIV (New International Version). I use the Lutheran Study Bible more as a backup and reference book for my Self-Study. All this, though, is, I guess, back story.

This week has been trying for me. It has really thrown me for a loop. I needed some comfort today. It was one of those weeks that makes Jeremiah 29:11-14 relevant:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” (NIV).

I first found this verse shortly after my own seminary experience (yes, I, too, was a righteous pre-sem guy, though I never actually declared myself such in my college studies, I kind of fell into it). My seminary experience was, to put it delicately, difficult. I didn't do very well and left after my second quarter. I'll leave it at that. At the time, I was reading the Old Testament backwards, meaning I started with the smaller "minor prophet" (Malachai, Zechariah, Nahum) books and worked my way towards the bigger, meatier stuff at the beginning. (I did this because I'd tried to go from Genesis 1 forward many times, but would get bogged down in the heavy law books of Leviticus and such, I figured that if I got the "little guys" taken care of first I'd get traction and read the whole of the Old Testament-- kind of like Dave Ramsey's "debt snowball" only in a Biblical sense... sort of...) I was at a loss. I had just left seminary, I didn't have a clue what I was to do, or God wanted me to do, I was, as they say, a drift spiritually, but I was in the Word. And being in the Word at a time like that is the best time to be in the Word because your (my) Spirit is looking for some serious nourishment.

I can still remember the awe that I felt from those verses. I think I read that collection of verses for three or four days straight, over and over again. I wrote the following in the margin on April 4, 1999, I know that it was the day because I actually dated the comment.

He has a plan for me, too! i do not know what it is, but He is in charge. I have to give Him control. He will let me in & know what I am supposed to when the proper time comes.

I must have felt that dating it was important, to give myself an exact moment that I could go back to. And eleven years later, it has done what it was supposed to do. Given me a grounding to start from. At some point, I don't know when, I didn't date it I wrote simply "This is a painful lesson to learn sometimes" and connected it to original scribble with a simple black arrow.

There is more to this. There are eight other verses that I cross referenced to Jeremiah 29:11-14. They add to it, embellish it and give it more force and, to large degree, more comfort. They cross referenced verses help me to focus in, get my head right, and face forward.

The cross references come from my own reading of scripture. I am also a "fan" of the phrase "let scripture interpret scripture" and a firm believer in 2 Timothy 3:14-17:

continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (NIV)

Jeremiah 29:11-14 is a comfort verse to me. I often come back to it and read it and meditate on it. It does my soul good to have this soft, spiritual pat on the back from time to time. I have the thing memorized, but reading it, that's the key. That's the thing that really cements it. But the other verses I find, they tend to be the things that give the verse its legs and allow it to move around a bit and give it some "oomph."

Isiah 58:11 is just such a verse. It really gets to the heart of the thing.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail. (NIV)

This verse makes me relax. Its the same feeling I get after reading Psalm 23, the first four verses:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. (NIV)

I know that I am not alone. That I have someone watching out for me. Someone who cares so much for me that He gave His only son to die that I might live. That's some pretty heady stuff. I mean Joey Lawrence "Whoa!" kind of stuff. I know and more importantly I believe it, but sometimes, through a nudge, I need to be reminded that I know and believe it. Sometimes the world just takes me for a ride and I don't know where I'm going or headed and need these spiritual rest areas to catch a breath. That's what these verse do for me. Let me catch my breath, get my bearings and move forward.

The next two verses that I've attached Jeremiah come from the Gospels. The first is from Matthew 6 when Jesus says to us:

“...do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.(NIV)

More often than not, that is my worry. Right there. I'm worried about how I am going to take care of myself, how I am going to pay my bills. How I am going to take care of those who I love. This is just one of those hey-man-chill-I-got-this verses that takes a few loads off my shoulders and back. In short, that verse from Luke is kind a "let go and let God" verse. To a degree, I guess all of the verses I'm highlighting here are that type; and that is not necessarily a bad thing. It is, in fact, a very good thing as far as I am concerned. We all have our own worries. From this blog you can kind of tell where my worries tend sit and come from: the unknown and life change. Two biggies, I guess.


The second verse I have written in the margin is Luke 12:22-34. It is almost a direct requote of Matthew 6. In it Jesus tells us:

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
(NIV)

There are two phrases the stand out to me in this. The first is "O you of little faith!" As I read this I can almost hear Jesus becoming exasperated with me. Its not so much a back slap with this verse as it is more of a back-of-the-head smack. Its like Jesus is saying "if you're worrying, that means you faith is lacking." Which, I guess, when one thinks of antonyms the opposite of "faith" might be "worry."

The phrase the sticks out is "do not be afraid little flock." Wow! "Don't be afraid! That big bad wolf of a world won't be harming you this day, Karl. I am the Good Shepherd. I've got my rock and my staff... you are protected." See how I think? How before long that little gnawing worry turns into something overwhelming? I really do need this spiritual retread from time to time. I need to read these words repeatedly to keep me calmed and focused.

The next verse that must of meant something to me is from Ecclesiastes 7:14-18. It is almost funny.

When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future.
15 In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:

a righteous man perishing in his righteousness,
and a wicked man living long in his wickedness.
16 Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?
17 Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
18 It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes. (NIV)

My relationship with Ecclesiastes is one of caution. I made the mistake of reading Ecclesiastes for the first time right after I graduated from college. Nothing quite like having God tell you that wisdom is meaningless. Great! Thanks. But Ecclesiastes has a lot to it. And that verse quoted above is certainly one of the meatiest parts to it, at least for me. Ecclesiastes is an amazing book that rewards me with insight every time I read it and for that I am beyond thankful. I wrote next to this verse in blue pen the following: "Don't dwell on where you are-- look to where you are going." I tend to dwell and analyze and overthink my situations as I encounter them. That is not a bad thing, per se, but it can get in the way and make it difficult to make decisions. I try and look at all possibilities and angles. Invariably I miss an angle or neglect a possibility. I should probably write this one down on a note card and carry it with me everywhere I go.

The next two come from Isiah. That big honking book in the middle of it all. Its one of those meaty books that makes you slow down read carefully and look deep. You don't want to miss anything on this ride here, but often you do. So you go back and reread and reread (with pen in hand and highlighter nearby). I found this one quite by accident. I stumbled upon it when I was looking for the chapter that comes after it. Isiah 40:28-31 says:

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (NIV)

This is another one of those comforting verses. It doesn't smack me around. It builds me up. It kind of says to me "look, you're human, you're gonna have human problems, human foibles, and human worries; but, the weak are made strong, and your doubts will be eased." It is a breath of fresh air, an ice cold glass of sweet tea on a hot day. It is refreshing. And gives strength when strength is needed and peace of mind when peace of mind is prescribed. The second half of this verse is even more amazing read it one more time:
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.(NIV)
>
Pow! Gets you, doesn't it? Kind of puts the air back in the tire. You cast your worries aside and put your faith in God and you're going to do amazing things. You will be able to carry on. That just rocks. Kind of grabs you just makes you feel like you can take on the world. Nothing can stop you and get in your way except yourself.

Why is it that God is constantly giving Israel comfort? What do they have to be afraid of? Let's see, they have Cannannites, Hitittites, Philistines, gunning for them and causing them all kinds of fits because they don't want the Israelites where they are, so they have external pressure. Then inside the nation of Israel you start dealing with crazy kings and golden calf. Those poor Israelites were being pulled eighty different directions! Its no wonder they were constantly in getting a talking to from God, which I'm sure to some degree DIDN'T help the situation one iota. Imagine God having a sitdown with you because you did something He didn't like. Yeah, I'm all about having a good case of the worries.

Which leads me to Isiah 41:10,13:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand....
13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
14 Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob,
O little Israel,
for I myself will help you,” declares the LORD,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. (NIV)

This one is for strength. We've had the comfort. We've had the "look-I'll-take-of-this-you-just-hang-back," now we get the strength. Its time to build on the rubble of the worries we've had.

I worked at a summer camp in Texas for four summers during my college years. Camp Lone Star was an amazing place. It helped me immeasurably and to this day, every day, something I learned there helps me. There was a challenge course at this camp and there was on element that I absolutely loved to take my kids to. We called it the "Berlin Wall." It was a long horizontal wall that had pegs, pieces of wood attached to it. The goal was to get everyone across that wall from one side to another. There were tires that we placed at intervals along the wall that campers could use to rest, or get their bearings. It wasn't an easy element and it took a lot of strength. Recently, I have started to think of this element as a physical representation of the relationship I have with God when I get in too deep with worries, frets, and frustrations. As the kids navigated this wall, I'd walk behind them. I was there for safety, to make sure if a kid fell they wouldn't get hurt, but I started to do something else. I'd push against their back with my hand. And at first I could feel the kid tense up a bit, not sure what I was doing, but as they climbed across that wall they'd start to lean back on the hand and take pressure from their arms and transfer it to mine. Then they'd be able to hop from tire to tire and before long be at the far end.
As we debriefed the kids I'd often ask them what they felt as they were clambering on that wall. They'd say stuff like "man, that was tough, I felt frustration" that kind of stuff, but eventually after they talked about what they felt inside they'd say something about "and I felt your hand on my back, Peanut." And they'd say "it helped me, man, it really did." I'd smile and I'd say something like "that was my hand, yes, but I want you to think that in your daily life when you have a struggle that hand you feel on your back won't be mine, but God's. He's the one that will help you." I must of said that a hundred times to a thousand kids, but every time I said it, I was saying it to myself. I needed to hear that just as badly as they did.

Then we get to Job. Good old Job. If there is one guy in all of scripture who should get a pass when it comes to the worry-card it's gotta be our good friend Job. The guy earned the right to be a worrywart or at the very least bitter, but it doesn't turn out that way. After everything happens to him, he's still the guy that exclaims "I know that my redeemer lives!" I scribbled in the margin this verse from Job. Chapter 8, verses 5-7:

But if you will look to God
and plead with the Almighty,
6 if you are pure and upright,
even now he will rouse himself on your behalf
and restore you to your rightful place.
7 Your beginnings will seem humble,
so prosperous will your future be. (NIV)

Job is an interesting book because it is a play, in essence. In the 20th century it was in fact turned into a play for the stage. The above verse was said by Bildad, a friend of Job's who had come to comfort him in his time of loss and struggle. He meant well, but he fell short. But one can still find comfort in the words he spoke if taken a tad out of context. If you do pray to God, maybe even plead, you will be picked up, helped, strengthened. And that is important to keep in mind. A little nugget, if you will. Something to hang your hat on. Something to chew on and be thankful for.

Suddenly, though, I have three other verses that I attached to Job. You see how this can kind of get out of hand? You start hopscotching through the Word. Its a beautiful thing. The first one goes back to Jeremiah. But the second takes me back to Psalms. Psalm 40:5 which says

Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare. (NIV)

and Isiah 55:12, which for my money has one of the best declarative sentences in all of scripture:

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands. (NIV) (emphasis added).

I love this for the simple reason that after we get over the worries and fear and even in the midst of them we are commanded to go and worship Him. What an amazing thing! How wonderful! This speaks to the last few verses of Jer. 29:11-14:

12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Getting out of the worry. Bringing it around to the peace. That's what its about here, at least to me. The captivity God speaks of here is the slavery the Hebrew nation was held in Egypt. For us, this could mean our daily struggles with sin and temptation and the World around us. God is giving us a hand, helping us up, keeping us steady. And this, maybe just maybe is God's way of saying "you BEST recognize!" Or better put, "worship me, you are loved."

And then finally, I cross referenced 1 Corinthians 10:13. Paul writes: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (NIV) The most important part of this verse to me, in the context of this long overly written blog post is the final portion of the verse: "he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it." That is the key. The lynch pin. The keystone. That way out is prayer. Prayer from the heart. Fully engaged prayer. His hand will be upon you, us, me. He will hold you up against that wall, allowing you a rest. He will lift you up. He will bless you. He will lead you. Remember he has plans to prosper you. He knows what's coming. There will be tests, it may feel like you're going into the valley, but remember the key phrase to that is "walk through."

I am in the midst of worrying about things I have no control over. I'm walking 'through' a valley. The mountaintop is coming, I'll get there. I'm just gonna need help. And that help is nearby waiting, ready, and willing. All I gotta do is ask. And that is the most important thing.

I'm blessed and for that I am thankful.

Job Search Blues

My friend and recent MLS graduate Erin (who seems to give me writing "prompts" via her posts) wrote a blog post dealing with her job search and some of the frustrations she is encountering.

I've been fighting the same dispirited feelings. I lucked into the position I have now. I got it through a friend, its not a full time position and its barely a "professional position," but it is ina library and I am able to get experience at the university level on a reference desk. I'm lucky I'm in the field of employment I went to school for and trained for. Some of my classmates who graduated with me haven't been so lucky. One of them, last time I'd talked to had just quit his job as a car insurance salesman. That was about a year ago, I haven't seen him since, but that's how it seems to be going.

I am rarebird, maybe, in that you'd be hardpressed to find a male who wanted to be a librarian since he was little. Many librarians I know will say the "fell into it by accident" or just kind of meandered into the profession, I on the other hand have wanted to be a librarian since roughly the age of 12. When I got out of college I started working for a bookstore because that was the closest thing I could find to library work. I've stuck with it for almost ten years and balanced that with the librarian gig I have.

This last year has been a bear. Last July my hour at the library I work at were cut drastically. I was lucky to have the bookstore job after all, but I perservered and most of the hours that were cut last year have been returned to me this year, starting this July.

I haven't gotten as much in class Library Instruction as I'd like, but on the flipside, I have gotten a tremendous amount of reference desk experience and can work over a database like no one's business, I actually surprise myself sometimes. I have been able to refine my reference interview techniques and trust on the college level that is important particularly when a student or faculty member has an off the wall topic, there are times that I have to struggle to understand what it is they want, but that is for another post someother time.

In this economic climate it is tough to be a librarian, sadly the first thing cut from budgets are things like libraries (who needs libraries, right?) They still are important, public, school, and university alike. I could go into that, too, but if you've read newspapers, watched the news or even just seen Yahoo news, etc, you'd see that libraries are playing a more important roll than ever before.

I, like Erin have sent sent out application after application, resume after resume and heard nothing from most of the potential employers. That's just rude, first off all and, to my way of thinking very unprofessional. If I'm lucky I'll get an email saying "thanks, but no thanks." I don't like those, either, but at least its contact. I, like Erin, have had my resume looked over, repeatedly. My cover letter reviewed and have been mock interviewed at least once. The process is frustrating and, at times, can be disheartening, but I continue to search and apply and hope for the great break.

Doc Lit

For some reason, 2010 has been a difficult year for me in one big way: reading. It was almost the end of March before I finally read a book all the way through. That's unusual for me. I usually read a lot. I don't read hundreds of books a year, but I do better than the average. I usually read somewhere between 45-60 books a year. I figure a book a week is pretty good. For some reason, though, the "new year" rolled around and my reading took a nose dive. I blame a good portion of it on my facebook addiction. I also can point to, sadly, my sudden interest in vapid tv such as The Apprentice and The Biggest Loser. I don't know why I got sucked into them, but I did, for shame.

Lately, though, my reading has increased. I think part of it is because the guilt was starting to mount. Doesn't that sound silly? That and I've found some books that have caught my interest. I read a young adult (YA)novel that was just this side of awful and made me lose a little respect for one of the authors, who I heretofor thought was amazing (I'm looking at you John Green). But that might have been enough to prime the pump as they say. Suddenly, I'm picking up all kinds of books and trying to put them in an order that I can read.

Probably my favorite kind of literature to read is what I call documentary literature which is essentially nonfiction, but kind of quirky. For example, I've read books about people who did the and I've read books about over-the-top Scrabble players. I also read a lot of biography, not so much autobiography, but biography. I recently read this amazing bio. I churned through it in less than three days. Right now, I'm reading this little nugget about Adult Fans of LEGO (AFOL).

I particularly enjoy reading about hobbies, particularly hobbists that are "all in" to use a poker term. I enjoy quirky things like that. If nothing else, I'm just amazed at the amount of money those folks will spend on their "passion."

It feels good to get back into books. Its nice to feel the page under my fingers as opposed to a keyboard. The subtle scent of the page. I could wax poetic on the physicalness of reading all day long...

You Like Me, Really?

I don't think I'll ever quite get used to the ease in which the internet works. I stopped by this here little blog and clicked on the counter. It seems that yesterday I had six people stop and poke around. That's kind of a big deal to me, I'm not a huge blogger, I don't post very often, something I keep meaning to fix, but never seem to really get around to. My counter usually tells me that one or two people visited, but six in one day? Wow.
The search terms people use to find my blog are intriquing and, at times, a tad weird. For example:

male gas pedal pumping
disgruntled world citizen
pictures of the full colts team
blogger male pedal pumping
wiseblood pttm blogspot
give the ball to calhoon
pedal pumping male
ipz chaplain
fullthrottle landline
gas tank for church
udhayanesan,raji
how to drain petrol tank
work to empty a tank
pedal on the metal phrase
poem dying with gas tank empty
pedal pumping scenes from tamil movies
male pedal pumping
Pedal to the Metal
rev udhayanesan raji
gas tank words

I know that somewhere along the line I've blogged about many of those topics, except for the "pedal pushing." I have discovered through prior "research" (that is I've Googled those very words because they kept appearing in the section of my counter that tells me what keywords people have used to find my blog) that "pedal pushing" is actually a fetish. Who knew? I certainly didn't. The most interesting thing about the keywords is the "rev udhayanesan raji" he is a pastor at the church I attend. He is part of a mission outreach to the Indian community here in Indianapolis (Indian, meaning from India). I also get a kick out of folks that find my blog because they are wondering what "happens when the gas tank is empty" or "what happens when sugar is put into a gastank" or "how do you know your gastank is empty?"

I started reading a book the other day, This Book is Overdue, a brandnew book about librarianship. The author writes about how librarians took to the web, particularly "younger" ones. She write extensively about librarians and their blogs many of the ones she wrote about can be found here. I don't read them as much as I should, or have in the past, but they are still worth checking out from time to time. Its been an interesting book to read and I've learned a lot. It'll probably end up in my personal library before long.

I don't write much about librarianship in this blog, come to think of it I don't blog much about anything anymore. But I'm not sure if I did blog on librarianship I'd be able to add much that hasn't already been said. I do think it is important for librarians to blog and discuss what's going on. We need to make a lot of noise and chatter. Librarians are on the vanguard, whether they like it or not.