You know that picture I have on the upper right corner of my blog. The picture of the shadow figure at the Y? I took that last winter of myself in Miliatary Park. When I took it, I didn't think that it would become such a symbol to me. Right now, that is my life. I am, and have been, at a cross-roads in life for a few months now. I think I've been sitting on a metaphysical log though, trying to figure it out. Which road to take. T.S. Eliot tells us to take the road less traveled, I think, but sometimes that's the wrong option. Sometimes the smooth road is the one to take.
Recently, I prayed that God's will, not mine, be done. I've been praying that a lot lately. I've been praying that a couple times a day, every day for the last three weeks. Decisions are going to be made. They have to be. I have an interview tomorrow at my local library for a full time adult reference position. It is, in short, exactly what I want to do. It's painful how much I want to do it. A few weeks ago, I came to the conclusion that retail just wasn't going to cut it for me any more for a variety of reasons. One, its hard on my body. My knees, hips, shoulders, and feet are in a general state of aches. Two, the money, though decent, is not great. Three, I want to make my degree work for me since I worked for it for two years its time to see what that baby can do for me.
Those are the things I want. I have to stop and remind myself that what I want is not necessarily what God wants for me. I pray that His will be made clear to me. I like how a DCE I used to know would pray for that kind of thing: he would pray "Lord, make it PAINFULLY obvious what you want me to do." I'm not so sure I'm down with the "painful" part, but I like it when its a bit flashy, perhaps. I'm not the brightest guy in the bar, I need some flashing and blinking and some shiney. I need to notice it. Subtle doesn't always work for me.
I sent my resume out to a couple other libraries. I haven't heard from either of them.
So, tomorrow I'll be interviewing with my local library. I'm excited about the fact. I interviewed a few months back for a parttime position, I was offered the position, but I ultimately turned it down because I just couldn't do it, school, and my full time job. And at the time, my fulltime job (retail) was very important. I needed that in order to survive. I'm not looking for another job because I don't like my current one, as a matter of fact, I quite enjoy my current job. I like what I do.
So my prayer this night and the next few nights will be for guidance and knowledge. I need some handholding right now a little tug here and there in the right direction.