Sunday, November 27, 2005

Opening It Up

You want to see what happens when there is no God? You want to see what happens when God has no place in your life? Where the very idea of "God" has no place anywhere? I'm watching it, right. It's strange, like Apocalypse Now strange. I'm watching Breaking Bonaduce, did I spell that right? I've known people like him. I've watched them go down a rabbit hole and I've wondered if they'll come back. i've gone down that rabbit hole myself... it wasn't any fun. It was fun when I was doing it, trust me it was a blast, but the aftermath wasn't worth it. I don't think I can actually quantify or even describe the aftermath. That was my low point. Luckily, I found the brake and I pulled it. I got out of that car, so to seak. I went there one more time, except that time my face bounced off of the corner of a coffee table and almost broke my teeth, my neck snapped back and I had a good case of whiplash for a week. I told my friends I had tripped over a shoe and fell into the table one night going to the bathroom. Yeah, I was pretty fucked up. Sorry, that's the way to describe it, but my faith that was the constant. I had it, it was right there, can you dig? It was right there inside, waiting for me to clue in; I did, eventually, took me awhile, but there it was. Rev. Wookie, he was there and he helped, I think he was instramental in my faith re-find. Now, I'm not bragging. I'm just puttin it all out there, if you get my meaning. I think that's why I'm so protective of my faith, my rock, my foundation. If I didn't have that I don't know where I'd be. There are two things no one can take from me: my education and my faith. What brought this up? Well the Breaking Bonaduce thing, but also the hymn we sang in churh today during communion "Just as I Am." That hymn always does something to me. It is more powerful than "Amazing Grace" to me. I often have a serious bout with selfobservation and I good look inside. I don't always like what I see when I look at me, but I'll tell you this: I feel better about who I am where I am and my faith I have God and Christ. Prayer works, faith works.

Thanks.

1 comment:

STEP OUT AND SHOUT!!! said...

Hey just wanted to say Hi and I Think your blog is awesome Love how you stand out and show people who you are and who you truly believe in and your not ashamed thats awesome keep it up. God bless